mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
