Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
