So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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