I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
