can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
