I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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