So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
