I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
