Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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