even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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