now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
