..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
