he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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