That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
