you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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