I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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