that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
