Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
where does the pee come out of this thing
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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