Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
