Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My vagina just recognized that song.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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