fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
