i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
