her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
