If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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