i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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