I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
