how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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