I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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