Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
