She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
