I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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