I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
