Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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