i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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