It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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