It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Less talking, more tequila
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
