R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
