It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize