In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
