I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
