Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
