if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
