I just saw a hot homeless man
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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