This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
