i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
