I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
