Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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