he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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