the condom got lost in my hair
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
