At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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