I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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