he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.