remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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