I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..