is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
