I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.