Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  omg every time its on

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  (203): have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj (1-203): omg every time its on http://tfl.nu/6fsg
  Replies (25) Good night (3162) Bad night (1124)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.

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  (337): I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed. http://tfl.nu/us0c
  Replies (59) Good night (2081) Bad night (3702)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee

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  (917): Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee http://tfl.nu/mgtx
  Replies (8) Good night (5060) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?

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  (610): I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for? http://tfl.nu/9amw
  Replies (18) Good night (4721) Bad night (1141)
• Favorite

  (305): View more from Florida

  I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.

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  (305): I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having. http://tfl.nu/q5k9
  Replies (17) Good night (3774) Bad night (1509)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself

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  (201): I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself http://tfl.nu/d62r
  Replies (34) Good night (2161) Bad night (3712)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita

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  (570): I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita http://tfl.nu/65sn
  Replies (4) Good night (1707) Bad night (786)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.

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  (239): No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm. http://tfl.nu/6ztv
  Replies (3) Good night (552) Bad night (1655)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit

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  (419): we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit http://tfl.nu/q27h
  Replies (16) Good night (3003) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!

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  (512): I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate! http://tfl.nu/aytf
  Replies (12) Good night (2132) Bad night (808)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd

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  (315): I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd http://tfl.nu/os0g
  Replies (8) Good night (1515) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea

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  (613): Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea http://tfl.nu/b2wl
  Replies (6) Good night (452) Bad night (825)
• Favorite

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.

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  (506): Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home. http://tfl.nu/evwu
  Replies (9) Good night (812) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?

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  (773): Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right? http://tfl.nu/8uh3
  Replies (1) Good night (358) Bad night (586)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.

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  (847): As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from. http://tfl.nu/gvun
  Replies (0) Good night (547) Bad night (245)

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