I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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