I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
