TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
