Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
