I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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